Monday, March 01, 2010

Genesis 41:46-57
Psalms 56, 57, 58, 64, 65
1 Corinthians 4:8-21
Mark 3:7-19a

“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?” (Psalm 56:3-4)

The day I found out that Mom had breast cancer, I was terrified.

I’m a detail-oriented, need-to-know type of person. That’s short for “controlling.” So, I’ll never forget the out-of-control, chaotic, terrifying roller-coaster ride I experienced that day. I had so many questions, and no immediate answers. In what stage was it? Had it spread? What was her prognosis? What treatment would she undergo? Surgery? Chemotherapy? Radiation? How would all this affect her quality of life? How much time did she have left? Had I done enough to let her know how much I loved her? It didn’t help matters that I lived 1,500 miles away. I couldn’t even accompany her to her doctor’s appointments. Just thinking about it made me crazy. Yet, I couldn’t think about anything else.

So I prayed, and my friends prayed, and total strangers prayed. And it was during that time that I finally understood what it meant to trust God. I finally understood that it wasn’t enough to just take my problems to the foot of the cross. I actually had to leave them there. I had to stop trying to control the outcome myself. In this case, there was absolutely nothing I could do about Mom’s cancer. In this case, I had no choice but to pray and to totally trust God.

That was 14 years ago, and Mom is alive and doing well. She did have surgery and radiation and chemotherapy, but she remains a strong and courageous survivor.

A few days ago, I found out that Dad has lung cancer and, yes, I am afraid. In what stage is it? Has it spread? What is his prognosis? Will he undergo surgery or chemotherapy? Yes, I still have many questions. But I continue to pray. And now that I know how to trust God, I can fully focus on the only question that really matters. Have I done enough to let him know how very much I love him?

Heavenly Father, I place my fears at the foot of Your Son’s Cross. Amen.

--MO

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