Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Tuesday, March 31, 2015


Old Testament: Jeremiah 15:10-21
Psalms: Psalms 6, 12
New Testament: Philippians 3:15-21
Gospel: John 12:20-26
Evening Psalms: Psalms 94


I am saddened by a “tiff” I had earlier this evening with one of my nearest and dearest friends – we share the same suffering. She said, “I can’t fake it and don’t have the ability to keep it together and smile all the time like you! My life isn’t perfect like yours!” I said, “You can yell at me all you want, but let’s get one thing straight, my life is far from perfect!”

In my 35 years of life, I have endured way more pain and suffering than one should have to deal with, at least that’s what I try and tell Him, and then He just seems to gets a good laugh out of it. The last five years alone have brought into my life a broken family (both mine and my parents, and both due to infidelity), death, violence, depression, a broken body (mind, body, and spirt), lost friendships, and countless arguments with God. Honestly, I can’t believe He and I are still on speaking terms.

“I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed
with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.”
(Psalm 6:6-7).

“Surely I will deliver you for a good purpose…”
( Jer. 15:1).

Really? When?

Then I stop and realize I have become a broken record. As soon as I realized that “when” is on a need-to-know basis (translation, God will reveal it to me when I need to know), life got a little bit easier. I stopped resisting. God is sovereign, and He is in control.

To my friend, I may appear to have it all together, but it’s not really me holding the pieces together. I have chosen to “let go and let God.” Just as Jesus had to trust in the Father and accept His suffering, I need to believe that my seemingly constant suffering is not in vain. But then add in spiritual warfare -- the closer I get to God and letting go, the more intense it becomes. There are days my faith wavers, by the hour, even by the minute. But I continue to trust in God’s plan.

So I cry and weep, but that’s ok. Because while “there may be pain in the night, joy comes in the morning.” I pray that you and I find peace and the strength that comes from trusting in God. Amen.

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