Jealousy. Now that’s something I understand all too well. I’ve felt that rage and resentment that boils up inside from the bottom of your stomach as you watch someone get a promotion that you wanted, receive a gift that you really hoped for but your family couldn’t afford, or have their college tuition paid for by a parent while you struggle and pray that you’ll receive financial aid that won’t take a million years to pay off.
Yes, I “get” jealousy. I understand his brothers’ anger and resentment towards Jacob. Though I’ve never actually planned someone’s demise because of my jealousy, however, I’m sure I’ve envisioned and maliciously savored, in the deep, dark recesses of my mind, his or her downfall. But, in the end, where does that get me? Where has it ever gotten me? I’ll tell you. All it’s ever done is made me a wretched person, and if I don’t change my course, I will ultimately lose all that’s really important to me. That’s a huge price to pay for my choice to focus only on myself and not on loving God and those around me. And it is not one I’m willing to pay. I am so thankful that Yahweh has provided us, that He has provided me, with His Grace and forgiveness through Jesus.
Dear Abba, thank you so much for the sacrifice your son made for me. Thank you for loving me even when my repugnant behavior makes me difficult to love. Please help me to stay focused on you, and to truly become a person worthy of your grace.